erinthegreat

i feel like i've outgrown this little corner of deviant art.

when i get to athens, i want to start afresh. a place to inspire me to create would be ideal, but i guess making another deviantart page would suffice. :/ i guess.
i probably won't link to it from here
but i'm thinking very few will care.

at any rate, i'm very excited about my upcoming 'fresh start'!
my first year at Ohio University. hopefully i'll learn a few things about graphic design, interactive multimedia, and visual communication...and which i can use to best serve my needs.
but, more importantly, i hope to grow into a better person, a better friend, a better artist than i am today. maybe in the future, a better daughter.

i think that's enough to chew on

i guess i'll post this here, too. i guess i'm looking for some kind of understanding, or something. i don't know

yeah, erin had another one of her so-called epiphanies tonight.

i guess i kind of figured things out; for myself, anyway.
i believe that we're alone in this universe. i think we exist simply because of a lucky chance, coincidence, whatever. there's no higher meaning. we just are.

on a slightly related topic: society's ideals are fucked up.
truly, if everyone.....yeah, if........if everyone could view life more objectively, i think things might be better.
of course, this could never happen. this is erin's lala land. but really; if everyone could really grasp how short their time is, they would devote their time and effort to making other people's lives better; not just their own.
people would realize that after they're dead and gone, their college education, nice car, nice house, family, and savings are truly worthless. and i suppose if you think about it that way, everything's worthless.
so why do we all feel that we need to make more money, get more THINGS, and look out only for ourselves and the select few we have chosen to draw close to us?
if we had more compassion for strangers/neighbors, we could be so much happier.
i mean, honestly. would you be happier in your deathbed knowing that you either a: lived the 'american dream', or b: helped someone and made someone happy?
i guess what i'm trying to get at is: why can't we care?
since we're all going to die, why can't we just use what little time we have on this earth to do something other than look out for ourselves?
it couldn't hurt.


...that being said, i feel useless.
i feel that there's something missing in my life, and i don't know how to get it.
i think there's something i NEED to be doing. i want my life to have purpose, and direction. a greater good.
still, i'm human. i've been thoroughly integrated into society. i'm scared to break away from my current track. i feel like, if i went off to some obscure country to help needy people..i don't know what i'd feel like.
i'd probably have second thoughts, and wonder why i didn't 'make the most of my life' and use the opportunity to get an education while i could. i'd think that i'd made a fool of myself, and i should try again to start making money and have a 'normal life'.
and now i sit here, staring at this screen.
where am i going to go in life? will i be content to continue with college, a job, an american life?
or is there something i can REALLY do to help other people? can one person indeed make a difference?
i don't know. i just hope i can figure it out before it's too late.

i really wanted you to stay and talk to me on the phone.
i guess i wanted you to understand that without me telling you
which is really unrealistic
i don't know
i get stupid when i let myself miss you too much

i want to retire here when i get old.

borobudur temple in yogyakarta city (i guess on java island), indonesia.
i think i'll become a buddhist and live at the temple. :3 it just seems so peaceful :/

green tea ice cream.

i just love that concept of two cultures blending into one delicious dessert.